Little is known of this elusive figure. Known variously as Joaquin Borracho De L'amore, Hector Jesus our Lady of Guadalupe Lavase Los Manos or The Reverand One Eyed Mississippi Black Snake, he is an enigma wrapped within a mystery. He has claimed to be the" ...progeny of a lumberjack and a psychic crystal healer". An obvious obfuscation to hide his true identity, it is clear that any knowledge as to his origins or nature must be relegated to the realm of conjecture.
This much we do know. In 1995 records leaked from unidentified sources within NORAD reported that on june 14th 1974, 1:23 AM PST, an unidentified craft crash landed in the desert near Barstow, California . No bodies were recovered and all trace of the craft was removed. A cover-up ensued claiming that the explosion of the craft that was seen by many residents was nothing more than a fatal attempt by one of the local farmers to give a constipated
cow a kerosene enema with a large funnel. The Air Force report claimed that inspecting the proceedings with a zippo lighter proved to be his undoing.
Soon afterwards 5 shadowy figures appeared around the Barstow area playing "music" at local saloons, bar mitsvahs and gas station openings. Finding the only refuge available to them at transit stations they began billing themselves as the Bus Stop Hurricanes. They churned out a style of music that was described by one local as "steamin' piles of rooster poop!" while another claimed "...I'm not sure, I was never able to recall exactly what they sounded like".
The next citing we have of this group is in the Los Angeles basin. They were apparently drawn to the source of the messages that had been emanating from this area (the NORAD report indicates the craft was on a trajectory roughly aligned with the planet Jupiter). Radio and television waves travelling through space for over half a century have been recieved by many other inhabitants of our solar system. This visual and aural information has obviously offered a skewed vision of life on this planet. Arriving in Southern California and finding no signs of intelligent life they took to mimicing the fashions and trends of the local inhabitants minus any sense of taste or savoir vivre. Joaquin especially, often appears as though a Salvation Army has exploded on him. Their musical influences also seem to overlap several decades and styles making it difficult to put them in the box in which they belong.
While their orientation is hotly debated, Mr De L'amore, for his part, appears to find a certain carnal satisfaction while playing with his instrument. In a recent interview in Redbook, he is quoted as saying, "What you humans refer to as matter is nothing more than interference patterns of various sound frequencies that we shall call "nodes of resonance." All that exists as physical matter is nothing more than vibrational energy clustered into patterns that appear to be solid. When I play the instrument that you call the "guitar," I am actually sending out vibrational patterns that speak directly to the vibrational patterns that make up your body These vibrational waves resonate with the waves of your body, and you can not help but shake that which you call the booty. The basic essence of this vibrational energy is love. This is, as you say what makes the spheroid mass you inhabit "go round." The amplified vibrations of my guitar are messages of love which align with your vibrations in your primitive mating dances. When this occurs we are 'making love.' Send me your women."
Clearly not suited to life on this planet Mr De L'amore retreats after appearances to his leopard skin geodesic life support dome where he curls up by his dilithium crystals with the special Adult Edition of Decision magazine. If during a show you wish to purchase him a drink he prefers flaming Grand Marnier with a dash of Venusian duck butter.
